L's real thoughts
by NZM
Summary: This is what I believe goes through L's head on somewhat pissy days. This is very M, for mature for cursing and whatnot...possible murder intents you know the ussual.
1. Chapter 1

WHAT GOES ON IN L'S HEAD

" " - Watari speaking out loud

' ' - L speaking out loud

_Italics _-L thinking

* * - Either Watari thinking or time passing

* - Something important at bottom

Ch.1 : Waking up

It was an awfully cold mid-winter morning. L was burried deep beneath his blanket and comforter, due to the freezing cold of the night before and the cold that has currently invaded his bedroom. The only reason this happened was because he was too tired to turn the heater* on in his room last night. I tcouldn't be helped was up for too many weeks he needed a proper sleeping arrangement. Even so he woke up in an extremely sour mood, partly mad at himself for not turning the heater on last night and having to traverse the frigid cold wood floor in bear feet this morning. And also partly at the cold itself for waking him and making him well... cold.

The comforter bent slightly at the edge of the bed and lifted up just a crack. A pair of small very tired looking eyes came peeking out from beneath the comforter, assesing the length of painfully cold floor to be crossed to find heat then turning and bolting back to the safety and warmth of the bed. It was exactly 6.82* meters to cross to and from the heater, which makes it 12.56 meters in all. The tired eyes became angry, and glared heatedly at the offending metal contraption. Those eyes stared intently for several seconds as if trying to make the machine turn on simply with the amount of hatred that seeped from that glare.

*_God awfull heater, why can't we make a friggin heater that turns on automatically when it's friggin cold out!! _L slowly dug himself out from beneath the layer of warmth and crouched near the edge of the bed. He had his regular baggy pants one, with a white undershirt*. He looked down at the floor again with a cringe. Freezing his feet this early in the day was not at the top of his list.

He looked down sadly at his toes wiggling over the edge of the bed. _Hella toes. Look guys I'm really sorry about this but I need some warmth. Now we have to treck over the frozen cold tundra to reach our spoils. Bear with me commrades, bear with me!_

He jumped quickly off the bed to the floor. The second his feet touched the ground a large throbbing pain of coldness shot throughout him. He sprinted toward the heater with a continueing mantra repeating within his mind.

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!_

_Cold!!_

L stopped in front of the heater, flipped the switch on, and ran back to bed fast as lightning. Even though he was out of bed for only a short while, his feet were practicaly ice. He was only centimeters from the edge of the bed. The wamth he left behind called out to him beckoned him to return to a comfortable land of slumber and relaxation. He was going to make it, just a few more feet and he would be back in his wonderfull bed sleeping away the afteroon, planning to reach the top of the bed he jumped....

The intercom came to life, Watari's cheery voice rang out through the room, causing L's balance to faulter... therefore causing him to bounce on the bed and land _painfully _on the other side.

" Good morning L, I figured I'd check up on you considering you've slept longer than usual. The thud from the ceiling tells me that you are indeed awake. Breakfast shall be on the table in twenty minutes, please come and join me soon."

With half of his body proped up at a ninety degree angle against the bed whose blankets and comforter were now strewn across the room, with his face in the ground he let out an inaudible thought, _Damn you...._

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ten minutes later L sat in his ussual style at the l;arge wooden kitchen table, waiting on Watari to brin in the breakfast from the kitchen. Although his appearance was indifferent, he was chewing his nail in great anxiety.

_What is taking him so long. Come on allready, you ruined my rest with the intercom, made me hurry up getting dressed forcing me to injure my toe, then had me run downstairs for breakfast when it's not even done yet. God so help me, Watari if breakfast isn't here soon I'll-_

His thought's were cut short with the smell of delicious triple chocolate chip pancakes wahfting towards his alert albeit cold nose. When the breakfast tray came into view it was 3x's better than he smelled it!! With several slices of cake all different styles, with cups of jello jiggling, small bowls of fruit salad, pancakes smothered in strawberry syrup, chcolote syrup, whipped cream, 2 scoops of strawberry ice ceam, with 3 cherries and a strawberry on top.

If his thumb wasn't blocking the saliva, L would have drooled 10 inches of spit all over the tables and most of the floor. Watari rolled the tray right over to L, and set the foods all within his reach. Watari then returned to the kitchen and fetched his own breakfast, sat across the L and wished him a , " Bon Appetite." You didn't have to tell him twice he dug into the cake and pancakes first, eating both at the same time at top speeds.

_This is amazing, delicious, almost orgasmic, __**Almost**__!! Ha, I gotta say whoever said -the way to a mans heart is through his stomach- was a fucking genuis. Oh these strawberries are soo juicy, I can barely hold it all in my mouth. Hhmmm I'd probably look like a vampire if it started dripping from my mouth, maybe if I got some gummy vampire teeth it'd be a little more realistic. Heh-heh-heh-heh, I now have an idea for Watari's halloween surprise._

L ate his breakfast in big gulps, while humming a lovely little thing with only a few notes. He had a wonderfully big smile on his face and syrup smeared all around his mouth. Watari ate his breakfast in silence knowing he avoided making L unhappy on his vacation by a slight hair. It was so hard to tell with the unreadable detective, but Watari had it down to a science on how to avoid L's vengence. For although he was grown, he had a knack for ingenious pranks of revenge, which from past experiences could have only grown more heinous and cruel. Watari continued his breakfast hoping L had a chance to relax for once, and not have an 'episode' like last time, when he got angry at the airline from being stuck there so long.

It was a most terrible *memory, he got so mad and anxious that he actually started yelling and swearing at the people there. Although he was acting his age, he was taking it too far and almost got them sent to jail. Thankfully having been prepared for anything Watari was able to get them out of trouble and to their destination quickly after only a few minor dellays. He got a headache just thinking about it. He looked across the table and saw that L was nearly done with his sugary mountain of food, hopefully his activities would keep him occupied longer than his breakfast did.

_Huh??! Aww dammit, the foods almost gone. Grr.... what the hell am I supposed to do now, go outside in this cold, yea I'f rather chop my own head off and I don't mean the one I'm thinking with. I hate the outside anyway, maybe some inside activities...nah there's nothing here besides tv, the computer, and video games, and Watari wont let me be Justice cuz' I'm on my vacation, I need to relax Blah-blah-blahblah... Aww, screw it, I'll figure something out._

_***************************************************_

End of chapter one, sorry people, see I figured that L keeps a lot of things in his head. And after all who we are to people is not the same as what we are in our minds, so I wanted to make L seem more like a normal guy thinking about the stuff around him and keeping himself away from boredom. So now we get to see what's in his head from my point of view. I'll do my best to make it more entertaining as it goes on, and I might even put in a fe wmore charas *wink-wink.

1.)Heater*- my room at home is really big so in the winter it's very cold cuz the tiny heater vents can't warm it enough. So I bought another heater, medium sized, and it's plugable. It keeps my room nice and cozy. Except when I fall asleep from too much work and it's off. I have to walk over the god awfull frozen floor to turn it on. IT'S TORTURE ON MY POOR TOES!!

2.) 6.83* meters= 22.359 feet/ 12.56 meters about 44.72 feet.

3.) *_God awfull heater.....cold out_- Yea it's a thought I had when I was pissed, if all teh heaters in the world were created so that after it reached a certain cold temperature, as long as they were plugged in they would turn on by themselves and when it gets warm they'd turn off.

4.) * white undershirt- since he wears little clothes to begin with I figured he'd sleep in less, but he didn't strike me as someone to nap in his underwear when it was freezing out, so I settled on this.

5.)* Memory- Yeah this is the first time L ever got so mad as to throw a tantrum in public, I will probably give you the whole details at the end of the entire story I have in mind... well, only if the story get's a somewhat good review

Thanks for reading!!


	2. Vacation, all I never wanted!

I don't own DN, it belongs to Obata and Obha sensei

I just wrote the story, don't sue me.

Have fun reading.

WARNING: large amount of swearing, be careful I'm not at fault

" " - Watari speaking out loud

' ' - L speaking out loud

_Italics_-L thinking

* * - Either Watari thinking or time passing

* - Something important at bottom

**Vacation, all I never wanted!**

L sat on the couch staring annoyingly at the TV. Watari forbade him from watching any and all shows involving his field of work, including the news. To make his point Watari actually called the television company and had them remove said shows from their TV for the duration of L's vacation.

Oh, he hadn't mentioned he was on vacation. But of course he was, why else would he be trapped in a large cottage in the middle of nature, without anything involved with his job.

_"God awful Watari. Always hounding me about my shit. 'Oh don't take this case it's too dangerous, don't eat that it's not healthy, you're around that age why aren't you looking for a wife, why don't you go out and have fun._

_And of course the__**biggest **__complaint of all time, " you're working too hard I insist you take a vacation for your health." Sure my health, bullcrap old man, you can't keep up. You're getting soft in your old age, you need to take breaks now._

_I should make you admit it, I should replace you, I have the people I should-should...what?"_

"L!"

' What is it Watari-san? '

"Are you feeling all right? You were staring at the off TV unblinkingly for a few minutes and I began to get worried. You wouldn't even answer when I asked you if you wanted Strawberry shortcake*."

L looked back at the TV, he never even noticed that he had turned the television off, he didn't even notice the shortcake comment, dear God what was wrong with him? He turned back towards Watari who was giving him that look*, ya know the one your mom gave you when she thought you were sick or unwell- but if you looked real close you could also see slight disappointment in her eyes. L hated that look.

' Yes I would like some cake, thank you Watari. '

L turned back towards the TV, slowly tightening his grip on the remote control in his right hand. Watari didn't notice, he just gave a relieved happy smile adn went to fetch the cake. L's temper was rising more and more each second. He hated vacations, he hated not being able to watch tv, and he hated that look that Watari gave him.

_That bastard! Who the hell does he think he is, looking at me like I'm some retarded brat just come from school with an F pinned to my shirt. What the fuck is up with him getting all motherly on worried and crap, like he cares...well I admit he kinda does. But he's treating me like a prisoner._

_Taking me away from civilization, no tv, no news, no games, limited computer time. What am I, a friggin' 16 year ol' boy who can't keep it in his pants? Seriously! I'm surprised he even kept the phone running. God he's acting like a- like a..._

_OH MY GOD! H-he's, he's acting like a serial killer. He's gonna try to kill me. Why didn't I realize this earlier. Well how could I, he took me in, he taught me, he took care of me, he was like a father all my life and... well now. But -Gasp-, but of course it was the perfect crime._

_No one would ever suspect such a kindly* old man such as him to do this to his own prodigy*, well I know they would , and that they would make him a prime suspect,-not like the retards in the movies who don't know crap-, but he taught me.. he'd probably cover it all up in record time!_

_Holy crap, I -it's- wait... wait wait wait wait wait what the hell am I doing?* I'm becoming so goddamn paranoid*. Jesus, man it's Watari. He's never hurt me, he couldn't I'd kick his ass in 2 seconds. Maybe I have been working too much. Ya know this vacation could do me some good, I just need to calm down. How could I ever suspect Watari of ever hurting me in any way._

As L was beginning to calm his thoughts, Watari yelled some information from the kitchen to him.

"L, Light just called, he was having some problems with Misa, and he wanted to visit. But knowing you two are close friends and that you seemed to be having a hard time relaxing on your vacation I invited him to stay for a while. He'll be up in a little while! "

_Fuck!*_

1*. There are 2 things for this one. 1; L turned the TV off while he was in thought since his subconscious couldn't take any more boring TV. 2; He was so deep in thought he didn't heard the words "Strawberry Shortcake", seriously that is some deep though if L can't respond to the word cake...also I have no idea what kind of cake he ate in the anime or movie so, don't be mad if this is the wrong type.

2*. The look Watari was giving him, I have gotten that look before, like twice from my mom (no surprise), but I still don't know why there was a slight amount of disappointment in it. That still makes me sad, which makes me mad, which makes me kill stuff in my videogames...it's therapeutic.

3_*. _When I was writing that Watari was a kindly old man, I accidentally misspelled and wrote kinky, I laughed so F***ing much!

4*. After the 5 or so "wait's", L realized what he was accusing Watari of, and he realized it was so never gonna happen, it was a very 'face-palm' moment.

5*. Slight comment towards L's thought pattern, "isn't he always paranoid, or...is that just me"?

6*. When L yelled the f- word at the end, I just saw him yelling that in his mind while he gripped the remote threw it down watched it hit and bounce off the coffee table and smack the TV in the center of the screen. It didn't break but gave L a teenagers look of "o-shit, I didn't do it *shifty-eyes*". And it probably caused Watari to run from the kitchen in worry, LOL.

So this is probably shorter than the first chapter, I think, I want to thank the person which reviewed this. I'm sorry I couldn't reply directly my fanfiction has been on the fritz. I hope you like the next chapter.

Ps. the chapter title is a parody of an old 80's song (I think), I wasn't planning on it, it just happened.

PPs. I wanted to say protégé but the crappy place wouldn't accept the spelling so I changed it to prodigy.


	3. Chapter 3: Light is Such a Bitch pt1

I don't own DN, it belongs to Obata and Obha sensei

I just wrote the story, don't sue me.

Have fun reading.

WARNING: large amount of swearing, be careful I'm not at fault

" " - Watari speaking out loud

' ' - L speaking out loud

_Italics_-L thinking

* * - Either Watari thinking or time passing

* - Something important at bottom

**Chapter 3: Light is Such a Bitch pt.1**

L sat on his on his couch, staring away at the TV with a new scratch in the center. On the outside he looked as he did every day, a calm and cool demeanor with an emotionless face, whose eyes bore into space. Far away from the world in a plane only they saw, while his shrewd mind thought out most of life's complexities.

He seemed in his normal state of, but to the trained eye of someone who has known him for ages he was anything from normal. Such a person could see the body lightly shake as the ragged breath racked his body in tremors. See the eyes widen at certain thoughts, the pupils constricted* to a close point of disappearance. See the skin lightly glisten as the sweat burst free from his pores and race down his body in shear anxiety...and hate.

Such a person could also sense* the heat of utter loathing radiate off him as if he himself were the sun mere seconds from going supernova and destroying everything near it within an engulfing wave of pure heat, radiation, and shockwaves.

He had lied, yes more than probably anyone has ever done in their entire life. But he needed to do it, it was part of his job, nay it was his job. He had lied, to try and find Kira. He had lied, and unfortunately he had the horrid luck to lie to one of the biggest, most thickheaded, unwanted people in the universe.

He had lied on a bad hunch and was currently paying for it. For he had lied to Light Yagami, he had lied about being his friend, he had lied about enjoying the time they spent hanging out, and he lied when he said his door was always open for him and his _lovely_* wife Misa. He had a feeling that Light hated him back and was just waiting to be rid of said detective and be back to whatever life he had.

What L did not count on was Light eventually beginning to look up to him like something of a mentor, an advisor, even a, he shuddered at the thought, _friend_. He hated Light, absolutely loathed him, the child was self-obsessed.

He was always worried about how he looked, what his outer appearance would show the world about him, and of course his _butt_*. God, as if he thought with his butt, whatever he did his butt was at the top of the list.

Everything revolves around him and how his butt was downright annoying and sickening. There were days where L thought that Light would end up being asexual and living as a hermit, for no creature could compare to his good looks (in his mind).

He never showed signs of gayness besides his obsession with his rear end, and since that's weak evidence against him in a court, there is the fact that although he dated, a lot, he never kept a girl for long.

Well...except Misa but then again she made the first move, it is easily suspected that she coerced him into it. Why no one could think of, she was rich, she was popular, some people might even call her beautiful, and she could have anyone. And she took him, just thinking about how she made such a decision is a migraine in the making.

L hated both of them, Light more so, but both of them were on his list. Misa was a ditz, an idiot, she was the creature that made the stereotype* the truth. God, how L hated interacting with that woman, giving her all those compliments gave off such a sickeningly foul taste in his stomach that even candy couldn't get rid of, he had to take Pepto-Bismol, cotton candy flavored*.

_I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,_

_I hate him,_

_I hate him,_

_I hate him.._

_I hate him.._

_I Hate him_

_I Hate Him_

_i HATE him_

_I Hate HIM_

_I HATE HIM..._

_No...wait it's herrrr..grr.. that bitch, that psychotic, blond, Gucci- wearin', small-size-bra buying, whore. She kicked his ass out, why? WHY! Why did she take him if she didn't want him. Why couldn't she have killed him and put me out of my misery._

_No, no that would be bad...and would force me to interact with her on his funeral, and..or homicide investigation. Man, I wish she did a homicide/suicide, that would make life so much better. Go to a funeral, be sad-ish, go home, eat cake, watch TV. WHY CAN'T MY LIFE GO THE WAY I WANT IT!_

_I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE! AAAARRHGHGHGHG, they all suck. I don't want to see him, I can't talk to him, I don't want to help him... why does he still have my phone number...HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET MY PHONE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE!_

L continued to sit there, on his couch, staring into space, thinking of a proper way to handle his situation. He had been sitting there for a good ten minutes before his thoughts began to take on a light of hope.

_He's not here...he's not here yet, no not yet, maybe-maybe he called her, or she called him. Maybe they made up, maybe he went come. Haha... I'm theoretically free. I'm free. He's not coming, I'M FREE! HAHA-hahahahahahaha-_

*Ding-dong*

"L, Light's here!"

_PORQUÉ!*_

Wazzup, This was slightly rushed and written in a record 2 and a half hours finished at 10:20 p.m. I'm so proud. I'll have part two of this little arc of the story up soon, Yes "Light is such a bitch" has been separated into two chapters I.E. 2 parts 'cuz I thought putting em' together would make for a chapter that was too long.

Here are the important (are they?) side notes of the story.

1*. I believe that the word "constricted" (smaller?) is the opposite of when a person's eyes are dilated (they get bigger, wider etc.)

2*. Some people are good at this, seeing through people's masking of their true feelings, well it wouldn't take a trained eye to see the HUMONGOUS wave of pure and unadulterated hate just seeping through L at this moment.

3*. He lies alot ( I believe I've repeated that enough), so in truth he hates Misa and he hates Light, can't and wouldn't deal with one rather than the other because they both make him think suicidal thoughts. But he accidentally dug himself into a hole when he lied about his feelings for them...so now he's stuck with em' for a while, while in his mind he's trapped _forever, and ever, and__**ever...**_

4. Is a side note, I just began italicizing certain words to emphasize their meaning as you will notice.

5*. His butt, Light is obsessed about looking good, and we all have a feeling he centers most of said attention on clothes, hair composure, and his ass. I am positive that if you ever truly know this man, you will find him to be the biggest _**girl**_ in the universe. He is the type of guy to run around worrying about his clothes, his hair, his complexion, his weight, and most importantly his ass. I have seen, not met, but seen such people in public I have nothing against them...but the way they act has annoyed me to the point of daydreaming of putting their heads in a blender at the food court.

6*.We all know the stereotype that blond(e)s are stupid, and it is sad for most of my blond(e) friends who are very smart, and it's sad for she aids in the stereotype making it true. Mainly for her, but people are biased on that...sometimes.

7. Side note, I WANT COTTON CANDIED FLAVORED PEPTO BISMOL, try saying that 5 times fast. But really I would love that, make my stomach feel better with sweet cotton candy flavored pink stuffs mmmm...

8*. The ding dong is a noise... by now you have noticed that I'm just filling up space... plz read the last note, it's actually important...kinda..

9*. I had several thoughts for what he'd say, like the French version of why, a swear word, or just the ever popular NOOOOO!, but I decided on the ever over used yelling of the Spanish word for why to hopefully take all the soap-opera-y emotions that are so powerful and hopefully give him more feeling while he screams in anguish writhing the confines of his steel trap mind. (I hope I spelled it right)

Ok here's chapter 3 with any luck I'll have the second half of what was supposed to be one chapter up by tomorrow...so cross your fingers and wish me luck. Bye! :)

Hope y'all like it.


	4. Chapter 4: Light is Such a Bitch pt2

I don't own DN, it belongs to Obata and Obha sensei

I just wrote the story, don't sue me.

Have fun reading.

WARNING: large amount of swearing, be careful I'm not at fault

" " - Watari speaking out loud

' ' - L speaking out loud

_Italics_-L thinking

* * - Either Watari thinking or time passing

* - Something important at bottom

- Light speaking

_- light thinking_( 2 lines and italics)

I'm running out of ways to show people talking...damn

**Chapter 4: Light is Such a Bitch pt.2**

Light was now in his house, on his couch, in his gaudy fashionable clothes, with his legs crossed, and talking about himself…..too much. If you could stare directly at L's face you could see it twitch, and twitch it did. For Light was recalling why Misa had kicked him out. In. Excruciating. Detail.

- And she was all, how dare you try, actually _try_, to out-fashion me during my dinner night. Do you know how important this night was to me.-

Twitch.

- And then she started yelling about how I purposely chose clothes that did not match her attire in a flattering way-

Twitch*.

- And-and then, she starts screaming about me being jealous of her figure and her modeling career just because I couldn't get an agent to notice me when I was younger. And now that I had her I was deliberately planning to sabotage her life, and make her this old, fat, stay at home mom while I went out and had a life.-

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Twitch.

_Dear God, JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!_

- And all the time I'm trying to stay calm and not point out the many flaws in her thought process, but seriously she can be soo shrill, and-

' Light, let's skip ahead a little, for the sake of repairing the issue in a much quicker way, and getting you back home soon as can be'. _For the sake of my own sanity, please just drop dead. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it,_

_do it, do it, do it, do it, pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee..._

' Now, can you tell me in precise, exact words, what it was you said that sent her over the edge and, ended with you sitting on my couch'. More of a demand than a question, still it did not deter the boy from continuing his tale.

-Hmmm... well I think it was after I finally had it with her yelling, and I started screaming back. It's kinda a blur, but I remember us yelling vulgarities and then I think she yelled something about my figure and then I ended up calling her ugly. So she slapped me, hard, and pushed me out the door and chucked the keys at my head.-

_HA! Even your wife hates you. You're useless, pathetic, unwanted! Go become a hermit, move far far away from me and take you're weirdness with you, you'll be doing us all a favor._

'Well now I believe we're getting somewhere, how about-'

-But I don't think it's that big a deal-

_Umm... I was speaking. Ya know the guy, over on this half of the couch, on vacation*. The one whose house you invaded with your "issues". But by all mean interrupt me with your crap, while I patiently sit over here and wait for my brain to commit suicide._

- I think it's just her having one of her days-

_Ugh_

- I mean everyone has them eventually-

_Stop_

- Even I've had bad days before-

_Shut up_

- Not as bad as that mind you-*

_I don't want to listen to this_

-Still I don't believe it's my fault, completely-

_I can't hear you_

- I mean she didn't warn me about any of it, she just said we'd be having people over then- -

_LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA*_

-All throughout dinner she kept glaring at me while I made witty conversation with our guests-

_Witty my ass, you wouldn't know a witty conversation if it raped you, you'd probably think it was mild or boring.*_

-I just wish she was a more temper mental person-

_Stop bitching..._

- It's just so hard to deal with when she yells so horribly-

_Biiiiiiiiittttttttcccchhhhhhh_

- Plus she had no idea what she was saying, I have a wonderful sense in style-

_Gay._

- And the clothes I wore would have matched anything she wore because they were a wonderful Italian black satin suit with a pressed white business shirt of pure 100% cotton, a matching silk tie, and my brand new Armani shoes-

_!*_

- I think she slightly hates me for making a good impression on them, I don't see why, but she might-

_Arright, that's it you Abercrombie & Fitch bitch*. I'm fixing this right now, so that your crappy weird...__**self**__, can't mutilate what's left of my brain from this conversation._

'Shut up!'

( Awkward silence)

'Look here's what you're going to do to fix this.'

-But why should I- -

'No, no backtalk. Ok, you chose to continue the fight by reply against her instead of agreeing with her. Ergo you're here and not at home, and she's probably out spending _your_* money to make herself feel better. So now I'm going to give you a plan to act out to get back on her good side and hopefully save some money.'

_And get you out of my house_

(one ingenious plan later)*

L was sitting comfortably on his couch, alone. After talking Light through the plan's steps over cellphones, repeatedly, he had finally gotten him back into his house. Now he could try to accomplish the original reason behind his vacation, trying to relax. He shifted himself around until he was comfortable and was about to turn the tv back on form some mind numbing distraction when-

*Ring, ring, ring*

L changed his path from the remote to the phone and hesitantly picked up.*

'Hello?'

- Hello L-

_WHAT THE FUCK! Didn't I just get rid of you 10 minutes* ago!_

- Look, I was just calling to thank you for all the help you gave me today-

_Come on, come on, hang up I'm sick of you._

- Especially since it was on your first day on vacation-

_I'm not retarded! I know what day it was, is, screw you!_

- I gotta hand it to you the giant teddy bear was and awesome idea, you should have seen the goo-goo eyes she made when she saw it-

_I bet you made them too when you first saw it_

- The flowers were superfluous -

_Ooh, big man using a big word*_

- They were beautiful, and smelled so sweet -

_Here we go again, gaaayyyyyyy_

- Candy is an idea that was slightly over done, but it worked out wonderfully, she didn't even mention the cliché-ness -

_Oh, you bastard, and don't think I don't know you stole half the box of candy for yourself you candy stealin' good-for-nothing*_

- The sorry balloon is what saved my ass the most I think-

_You and your ass are welcome, NOW STOP CALLING ME!_

- So aside from me taking away some of your valuable time, how's your vacation going so far? -

'The vacation is going fine. I'm enjoying a wonderful TV special about life as scientist thought it was like back millions of years beforehand*. '

- Wow, that sounds pretty interesting, so- -

'Um, Light, not to be uncaring or anything, I'm just curious as to why you are choosing to speak to me, while you worked so hard to get back to your wife and house. '

- Oh, man I've been going on for a while. Sorry, I guess time got away from me. Well, once again thank you for helping me out, and I promise to call you later to liven up your vacation. Bye. -

'If you say so Light, goodbye'

_Oh, dear God please don't let him call me back, PLEASE! If you do, I promise to spend more money, about 12% of my yearly earnings on orphanages and charities and less on candy. I swear!_

That night L lay in his king sized bed, unable to relax*. He was on his right side glaring at the phone next to his intercom. His paranoia making it hard for him to unwrap his mind from the thought of Light calling, **again**.

Unfortunately that is how he spent the rest of the night, of the first day of his vacation.

Da End ... of this chapter

Arright so it's a day later but at least it's done.

Hope ya like it, more characters are coming soon.

Important notes ( I still haven't gotten an answer if these are important or not )

1*. L is twitching out of pure hate.

2*. L may not enjoy his forced upon vacation. But he is not above using it as an excuse to ditch people he doesn't want to be around.

3*. Light's bad days aren't as bad as hers. In my opinion they're a kajillion times worse.

4*. The la-la's are getting louder and louder until they drown out Light, which is practically impossible, even in your mind. He has this annoying voice that bypasses all your defenses and pierces your brain.

5*. Ya all know the old saying " you wouldn't know _ if it came and bit you in the ass" or whatever, so this is L's annoyed version of that concerning Light... and his butt... ( I'm high on caffeine I don't know what I'm saying )

6*. L is screaming what would be anyone's thought's if they heard Light explain his clothing style.

7*. I've been **DYING** to use this line ever since I thought of it.

8*. This is what I've noticed about a good percentage of females, when they are pissed they usually go out and spend their husbands money to make themselves feel better, and subconsciously piss him the hell off. I'm sure Misa would do the same.

9*. I felt the plan was unneeded (is that a word) an explanation, since it's a simple plan, quickly thought of, and it was explained in the lower dialogue so I skipped it. (YAY, laziness, it's true Sunday is Lazy bones day)

10*. 'Tis the phone

11*. He didn't actually get rid of him in 10 minutes, but it was like an hour or so ago but still that is too soon to be calling someone who you just saw.

12*. It's not a big word, it jsut falls into the fancy words category so, it's kinda Light's ego showing up in a regular conversation.

13*. I'm pretty damn sure that Light snuck some candy from L's candy table when he thought L wasn't looking, well L is always looking **0**.**0**

14*. He lies, always. Sometimes in necessity, or boredom, or in this case when he has nothing to say.

15*. He can't relax on this vacation anyway, and now this is just making it worse by taking away his last couple of minutes of sleep, it's the only sleep he ever gets.

***********************************************************************************************Just some side info, I won't be uploading for a couple of weeks maybe, **maybe**, cuz I got a vid to finish for a friend on YouTube, then I have two more vids, which are shorter by five minutes to do for my cousin and one left over from last year.

Then I just got an account on Deviant art so I'll be posting two pictures up soon.

Wish me luck and don't be lonely I'll be back soon! :)


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